The Mountain

My mind is in a sacred place today.

Today marks six years without you.

I just bought a new oracle deck – Postcards from Spirit.

I asked Derek and Spirit to guide me with a message for today.

“Over here there is no mystery for us to unravel, as we know intimately how connected we all are…That said, can you feel the importance of these currents of energy that bring events together in miraculous ways? …Surrender to the mystery and have faith that the unseen world is watching you with loving eyes as Spirit weaves your life’s mysterious and beautiful tapestry in glorious Technicolor. Loving you so much, as always…”

Life has taken many twists and turns. But I've been able to feel the energy shift over the last few years.

I’ve a climbed mountain that has had some landslides, rocky paths, and sharp cliffs.

But it has also produced some on the most interesting paths, hidden caves that have taken me to the depth of my soul and emotions and breath-taking vistas.

All of these things I wouldn’t have seen if I didn’t climb the mountain.

I have lost so much but have gained so much in return.

I lost my health and found it again.

I lost friends and but found people who became my “sistars” and brothers and soul family.

I’ve had moments where I felt lost within my story and myself…I found my strength, my inner goddess and connected with parts of myself that have been hiding for as long as I can remember.

In the cycle of grief we lose and find ourselves. Over and over again.

I sometimes find that I like to hide in the quiet spaces – the space in between. Those places where time stands still and I do not have to be faced with the realization that you are not here with me.

But when I am ready I come from hiding and I keep climbing the mountain, to strengthen, to be inspired, to live.

When I climb, I remember who I am.

I remember why I am here.

When I climb I become inspired and less afraid of the unknown.

I reclaim those feelings of joy and happiness that I felt when I was with you.

I become comfortable in my skin and aware of things that I didn’t know I had the ability to do.

I love myself.

I am in gratitude.

I see my accomplishments – which are many.

I celebrate and love deeply those who handed me what I needed while I climb.

To the friends who IM’d me every day because they knew that he would have.

To those who saved my life after he died.